Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Top Ten Excuses-- Helen Dening

I'm excited to have my friend, Helen here today. Helen attends our weekly writer's group at the Sinclairville Free Library. Helen is a yet to be published children's book author, I say 'yet to be published' because it will be! Her stories are amazing! I can't wait to say, "I knew her when..." This is her top 10 list of excuses that made me laugh out loud. I hope you love it as much as I did. 

10 Reasons Why I Couldn’t (Can’t, Don’t, Didn’t) Write

  1. I was traumatized by watching our new neighbors dance- our two neighbors, each weighing at least 350 lb, were dancing naked in the rain.

  1. My brother asked me to watch his pet while he went on vacation. I didn’t hear the “s” on pets. As a pet rescuer, he currently has 2 beavers, 3 raccoons, 1 tiger, 7 flamingos, a potbelly pig, and grandma who showed up unexpectantly. 

  1. I had no tea in the house. You need a good cup of sipping tea to calm and focus the savage thoughts.

  1. I was participating in a clinical study conducted by the Harvard University psych dept. on the physiological and psychological ramifications of watching rain dancers.

  1. I ran out of acetone… I needed to move the bookcase out of my son’s room and into the attic. While moving it, my cup of pencils and pens crashed to the floor, cracking the cup. I glued the crack with superglue and some dribbled on my fingers. I didn’t have acetone. I can’t write with stuck-up fingers.

  1. I had to buy a blue horse, but books were blocking my way…
Two-yr. old granddaughter Meghan wants a blue horse for Christmas and the best place to look is either Clayton’s toy store or Puddle Duck, but I didn’t have gas in my car and I had no idea how to get to either toy store, so I had to wait for Niles to take me, except he was burning a bag of old papers and receipts saved since 1983 that was taking up too much space in the attic  and we no longer needed to keep. The attic needed to be turned back into bedroom space for family descending upon us for Thanksgiving. But Niles could only burn a few handfuls of paper at a time without smothering the fire so while I waited for him, I decided to finish moving the bookshelf to the attic, but the shelves was filled with books. When I emptied the shelves, books blocked the doorway and I needed to buy a blue horse. I just couldn’t write.
  1. I couldn’t find the bag of potting soil. Before Niles could repair the leak in the shed’s roof, he had to move things so he’d have space to reach the rafters and I wasn’t sure where the potting soil was moved to and I needed to repot our indoor-outdoor plants that recently migrated back to the basement, but they couldn’t stay in the basement because 5 grandkids need the space for their Thanksgiving sleepover and everyone knows large plants, small children, and a sleepover are not a good combination. Although, Ali does call the plants her jungle and loves hiding amongst them. Still, the plants needed to be repotted and relocated out of the basement, but not to the dining room- no room there- so perhaps the attic- near the bookshelf, but first I needed to find the potting soil. I couldn’t write.

  1. I was overcome with a deep sense of loss and sadness. Amanda came to claim and carry off my collection of classroom wall decorations. She was exuberantly ecstatic over Winnie-the Pooh characters, Mother Goose, Mercer Mayer’s Little Critters, Dalmatians, and more, while I was fought back symptoms of empty-nestitis. My 3 ft. paper creation of a smiling Pooh opened a floodgate of emotions and I recalled 4-yr olds hiding behind trees, pretending they were searching 100-acre wood for Pooh Bear’s honey pots.  I wondered if the trees I made were still in the attic. I hadn’t seen them when I hauled everything to the living room. Sadly, it all had to go. I needed space. A bed, bookshelf, and plants were destined to the attic. Family’s coming. For years, Winnie-the-Pooh had found a home on my walls and family in our world of pretend and imagination. Realities change. Yet, I didn’t want to loose this one. I couldn’t write.

  1. Squirrels and superglue. Squirrels moved into the attic, chewed through the wires- no power for my computer. I couldn’t write longhand as all my pencils and pens were stuck in the super glued cup.

  1. I couldn’t write, it was raining, time for dancing.

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