Monday, January 4, 2010

Nightlight-- The Harvard Lampoon

First let me send props to my friend, Tracy Hewitt, for giving me this book for Christmas. Never before have I read a true parody. Some satire, yes, but this was a pleasant surprise.

For those who don't know, a parody is a humorous or satirical imitation of a serious piece of literature or writing. In this case, it makes fun of Twilight by Stephenie Meyer, not only that, but it also makes fun of elements of the movie.

For the many Twilighters out there, my advice is this: Yes, we fell in love with Edward Cullen, (or at least in lust). Yes, we were obsessed to the point of staying up till all hours of the night and even buying the merchandise. Even we adults have to admit to being sucked back into our teen years with fondness. But there comes a point when we have to stop and come back into reality. Once we look at ourselves clearly, it's time to laugh and say, "What the heck was I thinking to be so completely overtaken my a book series?!" Once you can say that, you have come to the point of reading Nightlight. We can finally make fun of ourselves!

First, the story of Nightlight is about Belle Goose and Edwart Mullen and is set in the town of Switchblade. Belle is convinced beyond a doubt that Edwart is a vampire, and she loves vampires. Unfortunately, Edwart is nothing more than a computer geek.

Some funny moments include the following:
-Belle drives a Uhaul around and fills it with snow to make slushies for her friends.
-Continually insisting that Edwart wants to drink her blood.
-Her father Jim, who sings to her about vampires, and her telling her father that Edwart is a werewolf, which is o.k. in Jim's book.
-Every time Edwart is described, he looks different, making fun, of course, of the way that Meyer describes in minute detail. First Edwart has dark, wavy hair, then red locks, then blond spiky hair. Sometimes it seemed that way in Twilight

There are so many more, I can't even begin to explain. Maybe some excerpts from the novel will do it better than I. Here are a few:

Let me quote from page 31. "How did he know we were in Bio together? How did he know to walk in front of me at the exact moment a snowball was coming? Why did the snowballs melt off him as if they were made of some watery substance? Most of all, why was he lying to me about his true superhuman identity?"

Another from p 73:
I couldn't sleep that night. I kept worrying there was a leech outside my window." (We are all thinking of Victoria in Twilight.)"I kept worrying it was going to jump from the tree onto my window screen and then worm its way in, using its hemoglobin sensors to find where all my blood was. the problem with having great smelling blood is that everyone is going to want some. I got up and closed the window. But that only caused a whole new slew of fears, because what if the leech were already in my room? What if he and Edward were in cahoots, and the leech was merely second banana to him, hiding under my bed until I fell asleep? One thing was for sure--I wasn't going to stop that leech from doing its job. That's no way to do my part for the economy. I opened the window wide and went back to bed."

And lastly, pg 141:
"The vampires stopped rioting. They all got really quiet and started to lick their lips, closing in on Lucy. I started to lick my lips, too, because it's one of those subconscious, contagious things like sneezing, but then I stopped because it just isn't worth it if you forgot to bring ChapStick.

The drop trickled down her arm and onto the floor. Three vampires lunged for it at once. Another drop trickled down. Three more vampires dove to the floor. That's when her hemophilia kicked in. The blood started spurting from her arm like water from a fire hydrant. The vampires held their faces up and opened their mouths to catch the blood, some twirling around and playing in the crimson torrents like kids on a hot summer day."

What can I say that could possibly add to that? Read it, you won't be disappointed.

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