Rantings on Beauty

I'm sorry.  I can't help it.  I've been putting this post aside, telling myself that because it's not based on a book, I shouldn't have it on here, but this idea has been bugging me for a few days now.  I can't stay silent.  I must speak loudly!

On Facebook the other day, I began to see posts, which said, "Post this on the walls of the 12 prettiest girls you know ... if you get 5 back you're beautiful! ♥ ♥ ♥" Right away, I felt the bile rise up in the back of my throat.  I wanted to puke and scream and cry all at the same time.  If you've ever seen me cry, you know it's not pretty! I would definitely not get that post on my wall on any day that I've cried. So, for a day or so, I said nothing. But it kept hounding me so badly, I posted this to my wall:

"To all the girls posting this, "You're pretty if you get 5 returns of this 'You're pretty' post," I certainly hope you know that beauty does not come from a FB post, or even what anyone else thinks of you. Beauty, true beauty comes from within. How about instead of desiring to get those 5 posts back, you show the kindness to someone else ? That's what makes a person beautiful."

Obviously, I couldn't say all I thought in a few lines on FB, so I'm saying it here.

How is it that we as a society have stooped so low that now our children have to find their beauty and self esteem by how many times random people paste a "you're pretty" post on their Facebook wall?  We have FAILED with a big, fat F if our girls are seeking to discover what true beauty is on Facebook. Look, I love Facebook.  I can now keep in contact with friends I haven't seen in years and keep up with family who live far away. It's great, but when we as parents allow Facebook to teach our kids about beauty, we've gone horribly wrong.

I'm reading a book by Joyce Meyer for my Bible study. It's called the Love Revolution. In it she focuses on the theme of happiness. How many people aren't happy because they think that getting more stuff or wearing certain clothes is going to bring happiness? Now, the book is written from a Christian perspective, but even with that aside, its message says the only way to be happy is to serve others. I'd take this message one step further for our young people. It's that servant's attitude, that willingness to put self aside and do something kind for someone else without need or want of anything in return that makes someone beautiful.

When I was a little girl, my mother told me all the time, "Jessie, It's better to be pretty on the inside." I now tell my daughter the same thing, to which she replies, "Yes, and it's cold on the outside." (We still have a little work before she fully understands the meaning of this phrase.)The point is that beauty comes from within. A person can be the perfect model with long flowing locks and porcelain skin and still be ugly.

Admit it, you know these type of people, people who are "beautiful" but are mean or stuck up. You also know people who may not look perfect. Maybe they have a few more pounds than the average person, or scars that cover their face, but their inner beauty masks what the world considers ugliness.

I hope that as I raise my daughter, I can teach her that she will be beautiful because she loves people, because she loves the Lord, because she is kind and gentle, because she helps those around her and sacrifices herself for others, because she speaks words of encouragement and not harsh words. If I can teach her how to do that, I will have a beautiful daughter. Better yet, if I can show her how to do those things by doing them myself, I can be a beautiful mom.

Maybe I should start a new Facebook post.  One that says, "Post this to the wall of 12 girls who are beautiful because they are kind and gentle, because they sacrifice for those around them, and because they speak kind words of encouragement instead of harsh ones, for their beauty comes from within." Do so with nothing expected in return, just for the sheer joy of encouraging someone else for the good qualities they possess. Join me, won't you?

Thirteen Reasons Why

We all want to make a difference in this world.  No one goes into life thinking, "I want the things I do and say to hurt people." Or if you do, you're deranged. We choose our jobs based on the idea that we can best serve the world in one particular profession.  Despite the fact that my six year old says he wants to be a "regular guy" and not a doctor like his four year old sister, we want the things we do to matter.  We've all heard it said a million times.  "I want to make a difference."  "I want to help people." And maybe the things you do or say really do influence people for the better. I certainly hope so. But what if that influence wasn't exactly what you hoped it would be? What if, because of you, someone died?  What if, because of you, someone CHOSE to die?  What if you were one of the THIRTEEN REASONS WHY?

Jay Asher has created a masterpiece in his debut novel Thirteen Reasons Why.   In the story, Clay Jensen discovers a package on his doorstep when he arrives home from school one day.  Inside are cassette taped numbered 1-13 created by Hannah Baker, his first crush who committed suicide two weeks earlier.  When he plays tape #1, he hears Hannah's voice  telling the story of  her life, more specifically,  why she ended it. She goes on to say, "If you are listening to these tapes, you are one of those reasons."  Clay's duty is to listen to the tapes to find out his role in her death and pass them on to the next person. Accompanying the tapes was a map, delivered weeks before the suicide.  As Hannah walks the listener through her story, they can follow the map to places that influenced her life. 

It's with horror Clay listens.  He can't remember what he could have possibly said or done that would have hurt Hannah enough to make her kill herself. He even cared for her. As he listens to the stories, he discovers it's not always a "big something" that's mentioned.  A rumor here, ignoring there.  But all the small events add up. For someone who needs a word of encouragement, for someone who needs a friend to listen, taking that away even for a second can crush the human spirit.

As we read, we see Hannah's tapes woven into Clay's reactions in a back and forth narrative point of view.  It is hugely powerful being able to experience the heartache from her perspective and to see his immediate reaction. I have to admit, I was brought to tears when Clay begs the people on the tapes to stop what they're doing, to pay attention to what's happening. 

Thirteen Reasons Why is a potent testimony to young people showing them that EVERYTHING they say and do is observed by someone. Nothing goes unnoticed. And sometimes what we consider the least of  offenses have dire consequences. 

So, don't hold back that word of encouragement.  Keep your eyes open to the truth.  Dispel rumors as they come and be the absolute best person you can be.  You never know who might need what you have to offer to live another day.

And the Winner Is...

It's October 4th, and in honor of the SPEAK LOUDLY campaign and banned books week (It just ended.),  my drawing for a free copy of SPEAK was today.  I used a very scientific method:  I wrote down all the entries on little slips of paper, put them in a bowl and had my four year old draw a name while holding the bowl above her head.

And the winner is... Hold your breath...
Tracy Hewitt!
Congrats, Trac. I'll be getting the book to you shortly.